Like this:

The last time I updated the blog, HB had been to the vet to have her ultrasound and they found a tumor in her kidney.  We had the appt w/ the neurologist on Tues and he immediately told us she was in severe pain just upon looking at her.  He thought it might be any of 3 things or a combo of them- a ruptured disk in her spine, an infection, or the cancer.  He said there were 3 tests he would recommend- aspirating the tumor to see what it was (malignant, etc), a myelogram, or an MRI.  But he agreed with the other vets and said HB was a complicated case b/c of the tumor and the obvious pain she was in that didn’t seem to be connected to the tumor.  He said the myelogram would give the most info so we decided to go ahead and have him do it that day.  He said we’d know results by the end of the day.  We left HB with the vet and headed home.  And, sure enough, it was cancer.  The dr could see a tumor in the 2nd disk of her spine- and since it was in the bone they couldn’t do anything about it.  This was why she was in so much pain and was standing/walking to oddly.  So he told us to just “make her comfortable” for whatever time she had left and gave us a prescription for oxycodone-  but we were able to use some leftovers that Mike had.  Unfortunately, that medicine didn’t do anything for HB’s pain and it was just horrible to see her in such pain.  Tuesday night Chris had to go back to work and I was upstairs feeding Dakota and HB was under the bed and she let out this horrendous cry/yelp of pain.  It scared the crap out of me and was just the most horrible sound.  She must’ve moved in a way that just sent pain coursing thru her body- poor brown dog!!!  All day Wednesday was just awful for her too.  The vet said to give the oxycodone every 6-8hrs but I was pretty much giving it to her every 5hrs in hopes of helping ease her pain- but it just didn’t seem to be doing anything to help her.  At one point she was in so much pain that she wouldn’t eat the pills wrapped in cheese- that’s when I KNEW she was in really bad shape- HB NEVER passed up an opportunity for cheese!  I had to pry her mouth open, put the cheese in and then help her swallow it.  Heart breaking.  Chris and I had talked either Tues night or Wed AM and we knew the end was near for HB and we said either Thurs or Fri we’d probably end up taking her to the vet- and Chris was thinking more Fri b/c he doesn’t work in the afternoons.  But by Wed afternoon, I called Chris and told him that I was going to call the vet and make an appt for Thurs b/c I just couldn’t take another day of watching HB in such pain- it was just too much for both her and me!

Last night was just awful for us knowing that it was HB’s last night with us- CHris pretty much slept on the floor with her.  Again, at about 1 or 2am-ish when I was feeding Dakota, HB cried out in pain so I made Chris get up (he slept thru the noise b/c he’s so tired and has a cold) and sit on the floor with her to comfort her.  From that point on, Chris slept on the floor w/ her to try to comfort her.  Unfortunately, she was in so much pain there really wasn’t any way to comfort her.  Chris called the vet this AM to talk to her to just make sure there wasn’t anything else we could do for HB and when she said there wasn’t- he made an appointment for 10:30am for HB.  Holy tears flowing from Chris and I.  Our poor Honeybrown!  Our 1st fur-baby.  It was just so unbelievable to us that we were losing her.

I remember my mom saying that their vet said (when he was talking about Sage) that if a dog’s cancer is aggressive, you’ll know within 2 weeks whether he/she is going to live.  In retrospect, it was about a 2week ordeal for HB from the time we noticed that something wasn’t right until today.  It just seemed to happen so quick!

To make matters more complicated, Skylar came home from school yesterday w/ a low grade fever and then woke up this AM feeling worse- cough, a little higher temp, scratchy throat.  So we called Karen to ask if she could stay w/ the girls while we took HB to the vet.

I’ve heard from Lisa and my mom about the experience of putting a dog down and let me tell you that it’s definitely really hard when it comes your time to do it.  Chris and I went thru an entire box of tissues from the time we left the house til we came home.  It was actually quite a peaceful process though- the vet gave HB a sedative which pretty much put her to sleep and then she gave her the drug that stopped her breating and heart.  We said our tearful goodbyes and then left HB there w/ the vet to be cremated.  We’ll pick up her remains next week. 

Sometimes when HB was in pain these past couple days she would just wander around limping and with her back horribly hunched up.  Yesterday she was finally able to lay down in the living room for a couple hours so I brought Dakota and the tummy time mat out there and spent several hours with HB- just petting her and trying to comfort her.  I also found her photo album and looked thru all the pictures from the time Chris 1st saw her at 9 days old to when she was about 6 and we got our digital camera and stopped printing pictures.  Reminiscing… what a great trip down memory lane.  Our crazy Honeybrown- how she would do her “butt scoot run”, going to Chatfield Reservoir to swim, all the hikes we took, snuggling on the couch as a puppy and older dog (before we got the new couches and the dogs weren’t allowed on the couch), etc.  Oh how we’re going to miss our crazy brown girl!

And interesting note from the vet was that she said that sometimes when dogs get sick and are in pain, they act like babies and are in your face alot.  That made me think back to a day about 2 wks ago when HB was just driving me up a wall- she was my constant shadow, when I was sitting on the couch she’d sit in front of me and just pant… just generally driving me crazy.  So much so in fact that I made Chris take her with him to his mom’s house 1 day so I could get some time away from HB.  Now I”m wondering if that wasn’t the start of her pain and she was trying to tell me something… hindsight of course.

The vet also asked how Nittany was treating HB- she said sometimes dogs will act more caring towards the sick dog and cuddle up next to them.  Not Nittany- he pretty much was a bull in a china shop when it came to HB- when we’d let them outside, he’d just push right past her.  Or when HB would be standing in the middle of the hallway hunched up in pain, he’d walk right by her and almost knock her over.  It made me want to just stick him in a closet somewhere so he wouldn’t hurt HB anymore than she was already hurting.  When I told the vet this, she said “Well, maybe that means he won’t grieve as much”  This is 180 degrees different from how I thought Nittany would be acting.  I’m not sure if I told the story of Nittany and HB at the groomers the last time but Nittany pretty much freaked out b/c he was in a crate and HB wasn’t with him.  So I just always asumed that if HB went 1st he’d go crazy like that too.  I will say that he hasn’t been eating well since HB has been sick- so maybe that’s his way of mourning.  Who knows… they’re dogs.

I feel so bad for Chris though- 1st he loses his dad to cancer and then 6 wks later he loses his dog to cancer too.  I mean, she was both of our dog but Chris got her 1st as a puppy.  Here are some of the last picturese I took of her:

From 11/3- you can see part of her shaved belly from the ultrasound.

 

 

 

From 11/5- me trying to comfort her during her pain.  It would get so bad she would shake and quiver.

 

Finally able to lay down but you could tell she was still in pain from the awkward way she was laying:

When we got home from the vet today, Skylar asked “Where’s Honeybrown?” and I told her “She’s up in heaven with Pop Pop taking a run or fetching a ball with him”- that’s the image I like to keep in my head of the 2 of them up in heaven together having a good time.

Some other photos from this past week- Lisa came to visit on Friday.  My mom came up Thurs night to spend Fri-Mon with me because Chris was working alot of hours and then was going to be working on the weekend and then helping his mom put the plastic up on their porch on Sunday.  Thanks Mom for coming up and giving me company and helping with Skylar and Dakota!!!

Me with my girls:

Grandmom with her girls:

Grandma Bonnie with a snoozing Dakota:

We’re going to miss you Honeybrown!!!

 

 

Advertisement